6.4. FATHERS

Ephesians 6:4 "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."

Mothers have, and do play, an extremely important role in the godly upbringing of children. The apostle here stresses the father's role. They are not to provoke wrath; that is, they are not to nag, or arbitrarily assert their authority. Rather, they are to train and admonish their children "in the Lord". The first responsibility for the children, does lie with the father. Too often these days, there is a tendency to leave it all to the mother. This may well account for much of the delinquency so prevalent today. Father, the Lord holds you, as the head of the family, responsible for your children and their welfare.

The Scripture before us, of course, is a warning to fathers who tend to be legalistic and heavy-handed. There is a great need for parents to relate to the Lord in the upbringing of their children. We can ask for and receive the necessary wisdom from the Lord. Accepting the Lordship of Jesus for our own lives, will go a long way towards influencing and training the children in the way of godly living, and preparing them for a life of useful service. Are you facing up to your responsibilities? They are set out for us by the Lord. The Scriptures make it clear that parents are responsible before God for the spiritual needs of their children.

Deuteronomy 6:6, 7 "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."

When the Lord's Word is in our hearts, we will convey it to our children in the most natural way. Teaching mere head knowledge can be very dull and daunting to children. Spontaneous sharing, even in times of playing with the children, can be extremely effective, particularly when the appropriate word is brought out to suit the mood and occasion. Be always ready with the simple, direct Bible answer to the "What?", "How?" and "When?", no matter what time of the day you are asked by the children. But do remember that the special needs of your children are often best served when they overhear Father and Mother talking with full hearts about the Word; children love listening to grown-up conversation.

I learned some of the most precious gems of Scripture from listening to the conversations between my parents, about God's Word. When you are sitting in your lounge, talking in an animated way with friends, about the Word of God, notice how the children come and press against your knee and listen. When you are outside enjoying a walk, and sharing a personal experience in the Word, you will find the children coming closer to hear every word. When you lie down, the little ones will snuggle up with the request: "Tell me a story." What better story than one which comes from a Bible-centred heart? I am persuaded that this way is more effective, and in the spirit of the Scripture which is under consideration, having brought up a family of three, and having the joy of seeing them not departing from the way of the Lord.

The Scripture also makes it clear that parents are to provide for the physical needs of their children.

2 Corinthians 12:14 "... For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children."

This word expresses what should be the unselfish attitude of parents who are serving the Lord. It is the most natural obligation of the parents to provide for the physical well-being of their children. It should not be the expected thing that children should be the providers. The Lord expects us to make full provision for the children under our roof, who cannot as yet work to meet their own needs. Fathers, do not be so spiritual that you are blind to their bodily needs.

The Scriptures make it clear that parents are responsible to meet the emotional needs of their children.

Titus 2:4 "... admonish the young women to love ... their children."

It may come as something of a surprise to learn that some parents have to be taught to love their children. In many a home where everything on a material level is provided, a love that satisfies the emotional needs of the child is missing.

I got to know a family where the mother never expressed any physical love to the children; there was never a good-morning kiss, or a welcome-home embrace. One of the daughters ran away in her teens and her whereabouts were not known until years after her mother's death. In later years, contact between the family was cold and short-lived.

Another adult I met in the course of my ministry, owing to the coldness of the only mother she knew (a relative who brought her up), could not relate to women. Though she was attractive, she became afraid when any relationship with a man seemed to become serious. Even though in the body of Christ, she was never able to freely relate to others.

These may seem extreme cases, but regrettably, they are selected from a number of stories of the lives of those whose emotional needs were not met when they were children. The loving hug of the parents and the demonstration of real affection is far more necessary to the development of a well-adjusted child or adult, than living in a home of plenty with all the modern appliances.

Teaching parents how to love their children is probably needed in far more homes than we realise, even in homes that seem to have everything together. Did I hear you say with longing, "I wish I knew how to get through to my middle child"? A problem middle child is far more common than you think. The answer, and the strategy of love, will be different in each case. There is only one sure way of getting the wisdom needed and applying it effectively. Seek the answer from the Lord. He may well give the solution through someone who is able to teach you how to love that needy child.

Certainly, it is necessary to bring all our children into a living relationship with our loving Lord, and get them filled with the Holy Spirit. When we and they are flowing in the release of the Spirit's fullness, love and joy abound, and family relationships become divinely adjusted, and the emotional needs of every family member are met.

The Scriptures make it clear that parents are responsible to meet the total needs of their children. Children must be provided with a home in which there is a climate of love and security. The key to this is the father living under the Lordship of Jesus, who in love gives to his children "training and admonition in the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4 ).